15 Jun 1932
John S. Griffin to Dorothy Israelson / Washington D.C.

I meant every word of that telegram and I still do. It is awfully hard sweetheart to tell you just how I feel. First of all I don't blame you - not at all. In fact I admire your courage in doing what you did. In this whole thing I have no one to blame but myself. I am sure now that I have learned my lesson - but too late - and I've paid a price - the highest that I could ever pay for it.

I wish darling I could philosophize and say that God willed it that way, but I can't do that. It just shakes my whole faith in God, religion, and life. I left you when I loved you most, to go on a mission. I prayed all the time I was gone that God would keep you safe and our love would last. I seemed thus far that my prayers had been answered. I did what I thought was my duty to God first, and only asked that he keep (you for me) until I could return.

then I came back here. I prayed again that God would keep you for me and hasten the time when we would be brought together again. I was successful in getting a permanent job when so many others couldn't; again it seemed that my prayers had been answered. Then you decided to come and I thanked God for being so good to me.

That's why darling it just doesn't seem consistent that God should take you from me. What it is I don't know unless it is me myself. I just can't think of going on back here alone. For me Washington isn't complete without you. Every place I've been I've pictured you there with me, just as though you were already here. My plans, my hopes, and ideals have not been built around Washington, but around you and Washington. To go on alone would be like trying to climb a ladder without any steps. God only knows how I love you, and sweetheart it doesn't matter to me what you have done, when or where. I want you just as you are and the rest doesn't matter.

I am sure - just as sure as anything darling that once you are back here you would be happy and feel so much better than you do at home. That's what is the matter, you've been home too long. You've taken the cares and worries of home on yourself and this is the result. I'm not blaming your parents. Your mother is one of the most wonderful women I've ever known, but darling, to be yourself again and be happy you must go away. It is the only solution.

It is needless to tell you right now I feel as though someone had stuck a knife through me - like I was all broken up inside. It seems so hard to take back here all alone. Somehow darling from your letter and all I still feel that you love me, and if you do, all these heartaches and unhappiness seem so unnecessary. If it is just a misunderstanding I'm sure that we are big enough to overcome it and be happy.

I wish darling that you would reconsider your decision. It seems to me that it is not too late. As soon as you are well you could come without anyone knowing it. People would think the delay was due to your illness, and darling I'll promise you that I'll never say anything to you about it as long as I live. I'm sure darling it is the best way to heal the wounds and I'm sure that I can make you happy.

If you have decided that this is definitely the end, then sweetheart I want to forget. It is the only way that I'll be able to live. I'll send back your things, because darling they would serve only to remind me of a broken heart; of something I did that I shouldn't have done. Please keep mine (my things), everything. I don't want a thing back, and someday you'll be able to use them when real happiness comes your way. And if this is the end darling, I'm oh so sorry for things I've done that I had no right to do, for all the unhappiness I've caused you. God grant that someday someone will give you the happiness that you so much desire.

Know this sweetheart, that I love you more than anything else in the world. I'd give ten years of my life to have that letter I wrote - here, unsent. I want you darling more than anything else in this world, and shall always be unhappy without you.

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